The thing about silence

Silence scares me.

You don't know what's happening when it's silent. For example in horror movies, if there is just silence, the main protagonist doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know what's around the corner or what's going on in the next room. Or when someone is silent, you don't know what they're thinking or what they want to say.

Also, silence is so empty, it just makes you feel awkward. When I sit beside someone I know, and there's silence... I find it extremely awkward. Even more so when I'm in a group and no one's talking. I always feel the need to say something or ask them something about what's going on in her life, even if it's small talk.

But the most terrifying thing about silence? It's too tranquil. Maybe I tend to relate liveliness to positivity, and silence to negativity. My mind drifts to the negative things during quiet/silent times. When it's too quiet, I overthink, or I just dwell on sad stuff. That's when all my frustrations and sadness of life manifests into this depression that overtakes me.

That's why I always need some kind of background talking/singing. Whenever I'm in a quiet place especially my mum's office when it's TOO quiet, I play videos. Usually I would watch them as well, but when I'm doing something else, even the background noise helps.

Even when I am here writing this blog post, I have some audio going on as background noise even if I'm not exactly listening to it. It doesn't even help 100% to distract me from falling into that vortex of sadness. Ugh. But it's better than nothing. Even music is dangerous. Some songs just hit me right in the heart in a bad way and remind me of sad things.

The right kind of porn - Food porn

Everyone who knows me know I love food. I am a total foodie. I live to eat.

I also just finished my A-level, and I have 2-3 months of break before I start my new life (but at the same place -.-) in university.

So I thought maybe I could try my hand at cooking. I am surrounded by the best chefs. My 2 grandmothers, my mother, my aunties... their food taste like food of the gods. Even my dad can cook a mean fried rice. My brother loves to cook as much as he loves to eat. And surprisingly what comes out tastes pretty good most of the time. (Don't tell him I said that)

That's where I fall short. Making my own *good* food. I don't know, maybe I didn't get that 'good-at-cooking' gene. I used to think I can't cook to save my life and I'd probably burn the house down as soon as I turn up the fire on the stove. BUT I took a risk and tried learning a few recipes. I realize I'm capable of making my own edible food! However, the quality of the food made is very questionable. 

I'm going to give you a glimpse into my cooking/baking experiences! If you want to learn how to make them from what I'm showing you, you are at the wrong place. But if you're here to learn from the mistakes I've made or laugh at my shortcomings and misfortunes, read ahead!

So, the latest thing I made is chocolate chip cookies. I literally made it an hour ago and the pictures below were taken a few hours ago. The first and second batch did not turn out as what I hoped it would be due to the dough being way too soft. However, I followed the recipe and it's measurements to a tee. At least I think I did. The measurements are confusing, I don't know if they're in metric system or US system, they won't tell me. And everyone on the internet seems to have different cup measurements ugh. BUT I did it, improvised and voila, came out with solid individual cookies which didn't taste bad at all.

Baking cookies can be so troublesome, dirty and expensive tbh

So this was the 1st batch, which was too soft! :/

Messy!

Looks like bread instead.

1st batch of... idk what this is.

So I added more flour. 2nd batch of 'cookies'... still odd-looking, but it's getting there!

Then I added even more flour! And yay! 3rd time's the freaking charm. (Lol one's half-eaten)

Also I made cupcakes! These are butterbeer cupcakes. Tried is the big key word here. First few batches turned out undercooked. But the next few were okay. And, what better frosting to top off your cupcake with other than cream cheese frosting? Tried making my own. But it got too granular because of the type of sugar I used. Don't be stupid like me and not follow instructions. DON'T USE GRANULATED SUGAR. USE CASTOR SUGAR. Otherwise, your cream cheese will be meant to be doomed from the start. I tried to melt the sugar in the frosting by heating it up, it turned too water-y and I made it worse lol. Then I put it in the refrigerator, but the consistency didn't change. So to those who want to make actual cream cheese frosting, use castor sugar. I beg you.

Butterbeer cupcakes with the perfect cream cheese (which I got from my godmother, I did not make it!)

Tried making my OWN cream cheese frosting. IT FAILED TERRIBLY.

This is baked egg with stuff in it. It was over-cooked, but it tasted good! I added spinach instead of brussel sprouts. I steamed it instead of baking it.

Garnished it with bacon. Because everything tastes better with bacon.

TADA! PIZZA! This one was the most troublesome. You have to leave it in the fridge for the dough to rise. Also, many things went wrong. 5 things that went terribly wrong with this pizza:

• The salmon I used was expired. The last time I ate that salmon (which was few days before), I got diarrhea. But YOLO I used it for this again. Luckily, didn't get diarrhea for the 2nd time.
• The potatoes were undercooked! So I put them back in the oven so it can be cooked, but then the onions started to burn...
• The caramelized onions, was not caramelized enough. I thought the onions would continue to cook in the oven! But it didn't do much in the oven.
• The pizza bread was way too thick, therefore it became rock hard. It was pretty hard to make it thin!
• The bottom crust was burnt. I just couldn't remove the pizza from the baking paper. It STUCK to it like elephant glue.

I had extra potato slices, so I made roasted potatoes!

There were other stuff I made. But I didn't take pictures of it because I was busy trying to not burn things and set my house on fire you know. Hope everyone learned a few things from my cooking failures.

Next thing I'm going to make is, smoothies. Healthy smoothies of course, to compensate for all the fatty sugar-y stuff I'm making. Just bought almond and soy milk yesterday, so I'm gonna make myself some mean smoothies.

Update on life:
Currently feeling like crap. As usual. Something just happened a few minutes ago which made me feel even crappier. All I can say about it (or sing, in this case) is: "Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...."

But I've stumbled upon a wonderful thing too: Rick Warren's Daily Hope blog. I love the messages on it everyday. They also have an audio version of it. I admit, I'm pretty inconsistent with my daily devotions because I didn't follow a fixed devotional plan. But most of the topics discussed at the blog, really relates to me and my situation. It motivates me! I look forward to seeing it in my inbox everyday. So it's great to finally find one which I can permanently use.

Okay enough melancholy and sadness. Good night everyone.

the painful post

That is one of the most fake pictures I have ever seen. NO ONE SMILES DURING A DENTAL CHECKUP. At least I don't.

I have an insane fear of going to the dentist. I think it all stemmed from that one time I went to the dentist around probably 5 years ago. He was removing a tooth, I think? He kept telling me the needle pain is very minimal and it will only be like an ant bite. Don't get me wrong, I am ALL for anesthetics. But well that huge syringe needle coming towards me tells me the pain will NOT be an ant bite. In fact, it was more than an ant bite. It really hurt!
Not only that, I remembered the government dentist coming to my primary school to check up on our teeth. He had scale my teeth. He did a sucky job. His plaque remover tool scraped my gums too often and caused my mouth to bleed more than normal. And plaque removal ALWAYS feels like it's tickling your teeth, in a bad painful way. Ugh. I can actually recall and feel it from describing the feeling of it. From then on, I never trusted dentists. That somehow also made me feel disgusted about the human oral area. I would even rather see intestines and organs than see your teeth and mouth. I'm pretty sure of it.

Also the last time I went to the dentist for a checkup, I think he told me I had several cavities. From what I assumed, cavity removal or tooth filling probably hurt. My agliophobia (fear of pain) started to build walls of dental fear for me in my mind. Since then, I never visited the dentist, even for regular checkups. I'm embarrassed to say it's been a long, longggggg time since I've been to one. Now, I'm wondering if it's time to step out of my comfort zone and break down the walls of my fear, because cavities left untreated can lead to severely painful consequences.

That is why at one point of my life, I didn't mind being a dentist although I disliked going to one. It was because I wanted to create a fun, stress-free space for people who are as afraid as me to visit the dentist, that could ease their fears. I find dental clinics way too sterile for my liking. I know it's suppose to be clean and hygienic... but you don't need to make the place look like a morgue.

(ETA: I went to the dentist! Not as bad as I thought it would be, but it still hurt at times. Phew, at least I got that over with. Now you see how crazy and worried I get over small things? I'm worried about getting worried lol)

(Disclaimer: This post was actually mainly about going to the dentist, but then my fingers and emotions couldn't stop themselves and it expanded to become a post about all the painful things I'm scared of and my ramblings about emotional pain. You can now stop reading thanks :D)

I'd rather go for a facial treatment (which is painful as hell btw) than go the dentist. That says a lot because if you have a bad skin condition like me and had to go for facials regularly, you would know how painful it is. People often have that misconception that facial sessions are relaxing and soothing. HELL NO. Let me help you wipe out that delusion of yours. We go for facials, not for the face massages or the face masks. It is mainly to pluck out the blackheads, whiteheads, pustules or whatever type of acne you have. The feeling is like someone is pushing against your skull as hard as possible to squeeze out the acne. Other times that someone is pinching your skin as hard as possible too. Don't even get me started about the painful tools they use. It. is. hella. painful. My skin is horrible, and it takes them about 3 hours to clear my face of acne. I make it a habit to tell them I am afraid of pain. Sometimes they even tell me they can't finish removing them all because I have so many, and some are not 'ripe' enough to be plucked out yet so I have to come back again.

It is also because of my agliophobia that I never learned how to ride a bike. Because learning how to ride bikes requires you to fall once in a while when trying to keep your balance on the bike. Unless the ground or surface is made out of pillows and blankets, I don't think I could muster up the courage to finally learn how to ride a bike. It is sad, because when I see people whizz away in their bikes with the wind gently caressing their face and hair and they look like they're having a good time, I wish I could ride one. Same goes with ice skating or roller blading. The fear might seem irrational because falling off a bike won't kill me, but that's how my brain works. Maybe one day I'll overcome that fear.

Now, not only am I afraid of physical pain, I am very afraid of emotional pain. I've gone through an excruciatingly painful phase of my life and am still in it. There is this one thing which I placed a lot of my hope in it, dedicated so much time on it, put in so much commitment into it... but the end result is fruitless. It was all for naught. I'm still not over it. That also made me feel that aversion towards nostalgia. I used to like the idea of nostalgia. Now, I hate thinking back to the good old days and the sweet memories we all had. I was so happy. I wish I could go back to the start, but clearly it is impossible.

It made me question a lot about life and how unfair it was. I'm dying a slow emotional death (melodramatic Carmen's in the house). I have definitely changed. I'm not as optimistic as I used to be. I tend to worry about everything a whole lot more now. I don't feel as motivated or energetic anymore. I feel fatigued physically, emotionally and mentally. I try to exercise more often these days partly to pump in more endorphins into my system, but that doesn't seem to help.

All in all, I'm afraid of everything from taking risks to going to the dentist. Once bitten, twice shy. I probably have self-esteem and anxiety issues. I'm going down the proverbial rabbit hole. However, I am trying my best to claw my way out of the darkness. Only time can help right now. It'll force me to accept the things I cannot change.

Also I really need to change my blog layout. D:

Do not feed the fears

Okay, I'm done sulking (mainly because I'm out of tears and my eyes are too tired to cry anymore). Who says I still can't channel my love for science in whatever I'll be doing in the future somehow? Who says I still can't migrate to the US one day? Maybe I'll like Australia. Well, that's all in God's hands now. I wish I could look into my future and see if I'm doing the right thing (who wouldn't). Besides, my mum is usually always right anyways.

Thank you all for your encouragement!

In a state of indifference

Yeah I don't really care anymore.

I've chosen to do business. Or more of I'm so freaking sick of having to choose what to do, and having my parents nag and doubt my decision, that I've chosen to take the easier route. I never really understood how people choose to not give a shit. I mean how can you. But now I understand the feeling, because I also don't give a shit anymore. I've broke down too many times over this, and my biggest breakdown was just an hour ago, and I just want to get my life over with.

I won't get to do the thing I wanted to do in life, which is essentially to save lives in some medical way. First, I thought medicine was good. I liked to study what the human body does, but I was afraid of not being able to cope with the stress. I know myself, I'm not being a coward, I'm being realistic. Also (no offense) but the amount of doctors here are oversaturated which leads to it being too competitive and job opportunities will be less. That was a big factor in me turning down medicine. So okay, maybe I can choose something else which doesn't require me to become a doctor in the end but still, about similar stuff and the same goal. So I chose biomedical engineering. I was concerned because... well I don't fancy Math all that much. I'm also not that good in it. But you get to build a heart from a stem cell from scratch, create lab-grown kidneys and make artificial ovaries! You also get to design/build the machine they use in the hospitals. All that, is pretty much what I want to do too.

Also, I would love to study in the US. I know it's not going to be as great as what I think of it in my head, but I've always wanted to migrate to the US at some point of my life. That was like my life goal, right behind travelling around the world. The biomedical engineering industry is booming in the US too. Perfect! My parents let me sit for SAT and go for ADP classes. Everything was sort of according to plan.

But then things got ugly. My parents started planting seeds of doubt in my head. It's frustrating. They also told me to ask around about the US universities, which I did. I created an imagination of myself living there, already planning out my life based on that fantasy. Then of course, my parents enquired about the business degree for me, and even printed out information and brochures for me, telling me to do business instead. After telling me I could study in the US. After giving me false hope after false hope. That was the last straw. My anger reared its ugly head. I just don't care anymore. I can't stand it. I chose business. Whatever. Maybe I'm not meant to do what I want to. Considering I've never done any form of the art stream subjects like economics or accounting, they want me to do it anyway. I've practically wasted my whole life studying pure science. Working my ass off to get good grades for science subjects, and having to strip away my want to contribute to the world in terms of science.

They even already have a plan in mind for me to study and work in Australia.

I feel like someone has died. Except that someone is a something. My dream. And I mourn for the loss of something so precious.

Just whatever. I am devastated, but I no longer care. FML.

Lost

No, not the show Lost!

ME. I'm lost. I've never felt so lost in my life. And that would be appropriate, because I am at the stage of my life where I'm standing at the crossroads.

The dilemma is, should I leave the comfort of familiarity and convenience, for the unknown? I have everything I essentially need here. My family and friends are here. I have a shelter, sufficient food and money (my parent's, actually) here. I don't need a reason to leave. Except, that never-ending, nagging want in the back of my head to be independent, go for the adventure and leave my comfort zone. To go for the easy route, or to for the hard one...

I'm at the point of feeling so lost and indecisive, that I (want to) cry almost everyday. I'm so sick of having to choose what to do with my life. I have that overwhelming feeling that every choice I make, will affect either my happiness, or my parents' happiness. I don't know whose happiness to sacrifice for a better future. If I do something I might not like, I'll feel uncomfortable and shitty for the rest of my life, but save a lot of money for my parents and save time for myself. If I do something that I'll potentially like, but it's going to be very very difficult, I'm wasting time and my parents will have to spend all their savings on me, so I know I'll feel horrible for the rest of my life. So, they both end in me feeling shitty. Except if I do well in what I want to do, or if I actually learn to like what I might not like. But it's all so uncertain. YOU SEE MY PROBLEM!?

The freedom of choice can sometimes be a burden more than it is a right. I am those kind of people who when it comes to making a choice, we overthink. Our mind jumps to all sorts of conclusions, all the different ways it could go wrong if I chose one and not the other. Why can't we just pick one and go with the flow? I guess we just don't want to make the wrong decisions and have to face the consequences of it.

I am so afraid of my future. I am so afraid of failure and disappointment. I am so afraid 5 years from now, I'll regret what I'm doing. I know that, mistakes are how we learn. But I can't afford to make a mistake. I don't have a second chance, really. The deadline is near. I literally feel like pulling my hair out.

Sigh.

The Chemistry family

I have the weirdest Sim household names don't I. I pick them because there's a large variety of subsets to that category. My previous ones were Mamak and Pasta. I named my Sims Linguini, Angel Hair, Maggi, Bom... pretty unfortunate family name, but cool first names you gotta admit.

Recently, I made a new family, in honour of the new neigbourhood, Islo Paradiso from The Sims 3's latest expansion pack, Island Paradise.

The Island Paradise expansion pack had many new hobbies and skills to offer. From scuba diving (HEHEHEH I JUST CAME BACK FROM A DIVING TRIP SO I WAS PRETTY CHUFFED TO SEE THIS ONE) to creating a resort... it was definitely fun to explore the possibilities.

My Chemistry family initially consisted of 3 people: Lithium, Helium and Potassium.

Potassium was a heartbreaker, with a life aspiration to have 10 boyfriends. Potassium was HOT and immediately reactive with guys (which is why I named her Potassium, because it's reactive [in water]). In the end, she got called a manipulator and only ended up with 2 boyfriends and 2 love interests. But in the end, she gave birth to Boron Chemistry. At that point, she stopped to think about her life, and decided to end her cycle of tumultuous relationships and focus on her baby daughter.

Lithium was a chick magnet. He was a lifeguard, saving drowning people one CPR at a time. He saved so many people, the mayor named him Chief Lifeguard of Islo Paradiso. 

Aside from his heroic job, he is also making strides in handling the ladies. His job as a lifeguard does come with a lot of perks. He can 'demonstrate' mouth to mouth resuscitation on people. And the first person he tried that with, fell in love with him, and vice versa of course. Not long after their on and off relationship bloomed, he popped the question, and she said yes. (I'm sorry I don't even remember the lady's name, let's call her Camilla, because she looks like one)

Not much on Helium because she's pretty unreactive (Helium is in group 18, which means it's unreactive). But she learnt every single recipe, and is pretty much the maid. She cooks and cleans for them lol.

(The small boathouse seemed a little too crowded, so I had to 'trigger age transition' for some of the elderlies so they had to go :( )

Boron Chemistry grew up knowing one single purpose in life, which was to create a 5 star resort. She graduated from university with a degree in business. Immediately after graduation, she sets out to discover unchartered islands. Little did she know, Camilla was a level 10 scuba diver, which means she can scuba dive anywhere. To discover some of these unchartered islands, Camilla needed to dive to find a treasure chest with treasure maps (this is legit in the game, I swear). In the process, she found many gems and gold coins.

In the end, they both found an unchartered island which could be converted to a 5-star resort Boron always wanted to have. (and then I got too lazy to look for the other islands so I just used a cheat to expose all the unchartered islands yay)

Before her death, Potassium Chemistry gave birth to a son, Berrylium. Berrylium had an awkward childhood and adolescence. He was also taken up by aliens when he was in university, but luckily returned unscathed without an alien pregnancy, phew. (yes, that actually happens I'm not kidding).

In university, he found the love of his life, level 10 jock Ashley DeSorrento. After graduation where Berrylium returned to Islo Paradiso, Ashley gave birth to their son, Daryl (the game chose his name :/). Ashley and Berrylium tied the knot which lead Ashley and Daryl to move in.

(2's a party, but 3's a crowd. The boathouse again seemed to crowded, so I had to kill off Helium and Camilla. Then I said goodbye to the boathouse and moved them to a larger home)

Boron also found the love of her life in university, and they immediately got married. Boron gave birth to Tom (not his real name, because I also don't remember his name :/). Tom displayed a talented skill, being able to finish eating the plate of hot dogs faster than everyone else. He may be small, but don't underestimate his capacity to eat.

And that's all I played till. Till next time!

My underwater experience

I'm a certified diver y'all! I always think that if some natural disaster were to happen on land and the only sanctuary is underwater, I'll get to live :')

Scuba diving has always been something I wanted to do at least once in my life. Now I can cross if off my bucket list!

Textbook, dive table and diver's log

I went scuba diving in Redang, with 7 other awesome people. We took the night bus there, and I suffered from motion sickness with 7-8 hours on the bus! Reached Kuala Terrenganu at 4AM+. It was definitely a whole new experience for me, I haven't been out and about at 4AM before. We were like hobos, carrying and dragging our luggage all around town. No where was opened and we had to just sit at the jetty, eat snacks and wait for dawn to come. We travelled by foot everywhere. Then we found an opened mamak and had very early breakfast there, with a few games of chor dai di and another game where we had to dare each other to do stuff. It was fun, I got a lot videos that would come in handy to bribe people with ;)

Then another 2-3 hours of the ferry ride which was SO unbelievably cold and had a little motion sickness as well.

After half a day of travelling on road, bus and sea... we finally reached Redang Island.

It was literally an island paradise. The sand was soft to touch and walk on, tall coconut trees were everywhere, the water had that emerald colour, obviously very different from the quality of the beaches like Port Dickson.

After a few hours of rest and lunch, we immediately started on our diving lessons. We were suppose to dive to a depth of 18m. We have a buddy system, where each of us would have a diving buddy and we have to look out for them. My diving buddy was Kevin. Everyone was paired up with a more experienced diver except us. Maybe it's because of my big built which gives off the false sense of security that I can dive and I'll be absolutely fine. Unfortunately after the first dive, we also realized not only were both of us newbies to diving, but we both had MOTION SICKNESS. Kevin's motion sickness was worse than me though, and he puked on the boat every time we came back from diving. Poor guy.

Diving/puking buddies

Now here's my honest opinion and advice about scuba diving:

Expectations: Scuba diving is going to be painless and easy! Sinus problems or motion sickness? Pffft small matter.

Reality: WHY AM I TORTURING MYSELF

It wasn't the most pleasant experience for me to be honest. I knew I had mild sinus problems, cold and cough but I didn't know how much it would be affected underwater. And the boat rides coming back from the dive spots were torturous because I already have a bad headache, nose bleeding, pain between my eyes and motion sickness from the way there and diving, plus the feeling that I want to puke but can't. When we surface, the pulsating waves keep beating us and that makes it worse too. All that physical pain was a manifestation of sinus squeeze, which occurs when a diver cannot equalize sinus pressure due to nasal congestion. I took medication, but maybe it was too late? I don't know. I had a headache and felt pain between my eyes after 20-ish minutes of diving. After those 20 minutes I keep thinking to myself, when can we ascend??!

There was so much to consider while diving. How our lungs may rupture if we ascend too fast, how much oxygen we have to suck in and breathe out to maintain buoyancy, how we may get decompression sickness, nitrogen narcosis or oxygen toxicity if we're not informed divers... it's a challenge.

I had trouble with the buoyancy part. Not sure if it's because I don't have enough weights on my weight belt or what. A few times, I tend to float to the top rapidly without control (which is very bad btw because your lungs might rupture) because I don't have control on buoyancy. We were suppose to release air from our buoyancy compensator suit, which I DID but yet I still float. We were suppose to exhale all the oxygen out to sink, which I ALSO DID but still float to the top. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. But in the end, I did it. I had control of my buoyancy. Still facing a little bit of difficulty, but generally improved and can sink and float on demand most of the time (that's what I think, I don't know what my instructor thinks lol).

That was the bad part of diving. The beauty of diving:

I saw lots of beautiful (but common) fishes like clown fishes and blue tang fishes (a.k.a Nemo and Dory).

I touched black sea cucumbers!

I saw lots of corals and anemones (might have accidentally kicked some due to buoyancy problems. Sorry corals! :( )

Diving is SO technical. It was naive of me to not expect to have to learn so much and know how to do so many things. We had to learn how to put heavy weights on the belt, carry 10kg tanks, wear the buoyancy compensator suits (a.k.a BC), walk to and fro the ocean with said 10kg tanks on our backs, board and leave the boat also with 10kg tanks on our backs. We also had to put the tanks back where they belonged and dry our heavy wet suits and BC. It was exhausting. We were so tired we didn't even want to take off our wet suits, so we just walked around wet all the time risking a cold.

Our instructor was Major Mike, he was once in the military/navy idk but yeah we do salute him sometimes. He's 70+ I think? But he looks like a 50+ year old. Really. He says diving makes him young. Which proves to be true through him. He's like a grandpa to us. He's our diving grandpa. We also had a few experienced divers helping us, some we have appointed as our diving fathers (simply because they're old enough to be our fathers). They're all awesome. They help us out underwater and out of water!

Diving (grand)fathers

Honestly, we barely had time to enjoy ourselves, chill and just soak in the sun. Our days mostly consisted of diving with 2-3 hours of rest intervals in between. So we dive 3 times a day. The last day, we didn't have to dive (thank God) but we had to study for our diving exam. We actually have a diving exam. And hell, it was difficult. I barely passed. But we weren't in the mood to study, so we semi-studied and chilled on hammocks/huts with Taylor Swift music (To clarify, XQ likes taylor swift. Pretty nice to listen to TS songs while chilling on a beach though).

'Studying'

The resort I stayed in Redang Bay Resort was not the best resort ever (it's only 2 stars btw), we had plumbing and air-conditioning problems the first day we stayed there (only our room). But the beach was infinite, and there were no barriers between resorts, so we kinda resort-hopped. We stayed at Redang Bay, but went to other resorts for their chilling places and bars. But the staff at RB were extremely friendly! It was a little surreal, there were people randomly playing guitar and you can join in with the singing, the staff played volleyball with and against us (and we lost shamelessly)... it's a nice place to stay :)

The sunrise was magnificent though. The gradient of the sky from blue to yellow was beautiful.

The company I went with are a bunch of alcoholics LOL. (I would be killed for even talking about this HAHAHAH) They bought cheap vodka and mixed it with ribena on the first night. They ordered 3 beer towers to celebrate our divers certification on the third night. I drank only one cup, because I know the ramifications and consequences of drinking, even if it's beer. And for me it's a headache, puking and immediate sleepiness. They drank beer using a snorkel, which was hilarious to watch. And then everyone was bottoms up-ing and dancing, while I snicker at and take pictures of how drunk everyone was. Another batch of pictures/videos I can bribe people with.

I drank the whole bottle of Ribena instead LOL

But overall, it was a fun trip, and the pain was worth it for getting my diver's license. I was so against going for another dive trip after that, but now that I think of it, I might give it another go if it were some place prettier! The company also made up for the trip itself. We had many laughs, many inside jokes and we've seen the worst of some of us (either drunk or motion sick lol). However I have a lot of pictures taken with a frown on my face, thanks to the pain (which I will not post here clearly)! Here have some pictures of happy (a facade probably), diving me!

Look at me holding on to the boat for dear life

Now, it's back to reality for me. Still unsure of my future and what to do. Have had so many doubts, and changed my mind a few times. That will be another post!

Pic creds to Pei Ru and Meris.

God's Big Easter Bash

The service started with the dominating roar of a trumpet, played by none other than Shon Sern. And that was kind of how the day's festivities started and ended: God was dominating every second of it. Both members and newcomers were there to celebrate the remembrance of Jesus Christ's resurrection, or more commonly known to certain people as Easter Day.

 

 

But before that, rewinding back to 9am in the morning, children (and the adults present with the spirit of a child) were seen scurrying around, searching for hidden eggs as the first task of our Sunday School Easter activity this year, "The Traditions of Easter". I then told them about what other people around the world did with Easter eggs and where the idea of it originated from. Easter eggs brought the meaning of new life, just as how Jesus experienced new life as he was risen from the dead. Did you know, that there is a tree in Saalfeld, Germany (which would look very much like a tree with lights) where hollow Easter eggs decorated with bright colours, were hung high up on the tree? But the Americans (egg)roll a different way. They chase after eggs rolled down (a hill) with wooden spoons as a form of entertainment during Easter.

After that the children proceeded to the next station where they learned what Lent was all about. Then, they went for a 'tour' around the church holding cardboard crosses, as a mild representation of how some Christians re-enact the crucifixion of Jesus at Jerusalem, by walking on the road of 'Via Dolorosa' . This led them back into the church for a brief explanation of how WE celebrate Easter in Cheras Baptist Church, with things like baptism and the Lord's supper.

 

Back to the service, Pastor Daryl kicked off the service with 'Crown Him With Many Crowns' and 'I Serve A Risen Saviour', perfect and befitting for the theme of the event; followed by an adorable (but meaningful, of course) performance by the Eaglets, who never fails to make us go "awwwww" (personally, the boy who yelled HALLELUJAH made me awww the most). The Chinese Choir sung their serenade to the Lord, where the song was about how His grace touched our hearts and lives deeply and He truly has. The English Choir comprising of members with varying ages and races, boasts of the diversity of cultures and talents in our church. They presented a song which mentions both eagles (Eaglets) and it's wings (WinGS) 'I Will Rise', and with Pastor Daryl and Aunty Judith's constant guidance and leadership, they gave a really great and solid performance.

Then came the youth's Easter skit. I'll talk a bit more about this because I was involved in it. We've had only one practice with our complete cast. But yet they have managed to pull off a pretty stunning performance in spite of limited practice time (in my opinion). Although the skit did not have any verbal aspect to it, the skit itself spoke volumes of how vast our God's love is for us, how salvation comes from Him and only Him. We can only hope that this skit touched hearts (and maybe some repentant tears where shed :)). Watch it below!

Also, not forgetting a certain newborn who is gorgeous like her parents Christoper and Stephanie Lee... Anna Lee! She was dedicated to the Lord on that joyous day, and everyone in the congregation shared her parents' joy of seeing a beautiful baby girl who will one day glorify and love the Lord with her own set of talents. And of course, Pastor Kenneth Lee's message about miracles left me (and hopefully everyone) reflecting on my life, at how God has been so good to me, and sometimes I don't thank and credit God enough for His miracles. But I am willing to change!

The fact that God has blessed us tremendously whether in the form of miracles or divine intervention, is further made concrete by Uncle Teh, Uncle Phillip Phuah and Nicole Lee's recounts and testimonials of God's abounding grace and forgiveness. They have each gone through their respective medical issues, being struck by cancer, dengue and spinal problems, but have come out of it unscathed with the mercy of God. Now that is truly a miracle. Aunty Ai Kuen, Uncle Chee Wey's and their children joining our big church family was also a big highlight!

One of the biggest highlights though, is the baptism. 4 of them: Jun Kit, Gareth, Tommy and Kelvin (if I may call him that) have finally taken a step forward in their faith by proclaiming to the world of their love for God. And for that, we are genuinely very happy for them! It is indeed a joy to see how the four of them have stepped up and decided to take a stand for their faith in front of their family and friends.

Photo credits to Lydia Lee

Last but not least, a big pot-bless feast was held at the courtyard! This was my favourite part and I could recall this part very vividly *wink*. The food brought and cooked with love by kind members, were absolutely scrumptious. There was a variety of food, from pasta to pastries, and even pancakes! I was also amazed by how beautifully decorated Aunty Stephanie Sim's cake was with mini bunnies and jelly beans, and I'm sure everyone thought the same. Not only was the cake so pretty, it tasted heavenly too. A layer of green tea cake smothered with mint icing (MINT! How genius is that?), mushed together with chocolate cake at the top and bottom, topped off with another smothering of mint icing. Best. cake. ever!

As a firm participant of our big Easter bash for God (I was in charge of the easter eggs station for 'Traditions of Easter' and the pianist for the service), I can say that I am grateful to be involved in the church's Easter celebration. And I'm even more grateful to be involved in the greater scheme of things, as a child of God and to be able to celebrate how powerful, and how amazing our God is as He sent His only son Jesus Christ to bear the suffering on our behalf, die on the cross for our sins, and rose from the grave. That is the biggest miracle.

Can't wait for next year's! ;)

Photos from here