The thing about silence

Friday, November 1, 2013

Silence scares me.

You don't know what's happening when it's silent. For example in horror movies, if there is just silence, the main protagonist doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know what's around the corner or what's going on in the next room. Or when someone is silent, you don't know what they're thinking or what they want to say.

Also, silence is so empty, it just makes you feel awkward. When I sit beside someone I know, and there's silence... I find it extremely awkward. Even more so when I'm in a group and no one's talking. I always feel the need to say something or ask them something about what's going on in her life, even if it's small talk.

But the most terrifying thing about silence? It's too tranquil. Maybe I tend to relate liveliness to positivity, and silence to negativity. My mind drifts to the negative things during quiet/silent times. When it's too quiet, I overthink, or I just dwell on sad stuff. That's when all my frustrations and sadness of life manifests into this depression that overtakes me.

That's why I always need some kind of background talking/singing. Whenever I'm in a quiet place especially my mum's office when it's TOO quiet, I play videos. Usually I would watch them as well, but when I'm doing something else, even the background noise helps.

Even when I am here writing this blog post, I have some audio going on as background noise even if I'm not exactly listening to it. It doesn't even help 100% to distract me from falling into that vortex of sadness. Ugh. But it's better than nothing. Even music is dangerous. Some songs just hit me right in the heart in a bad way and remind me of sad things.

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