A new start

Presenting the revised version of.....

1. Sign myself up for Fitness First to exercise whenever I want to [Brad Pitt style?] 

2. Learn how to make some healthy Western food [probably of questionable quality], specifically salad and juices  

3. Operation "Pimp My Ride" a.k.a clean up and decorate my car 

4. Learn how to drive to certain places without having to panic without someone by my side 

5. Tidy my wardrobe and study desk so my mum can stop telling me to all the time [HI MUM] 

6. Read the new novels I bought in 2012 

7. Dip dye my hair [Purple, maybe? Or blue. What do you think?] 

8. Curl my hair again? [Dip dye looks nicer on curly hair T_T] 

9. Practice nail art skills [Mmhmm as if I had any to start with...] 

10. Get a new camera lens, specifically zoom lens e.g. 75-300mm 

11. Get a new phone, specifically the next iPhone that comes 

12. Do hospital/clinical attachments 

13. Find out and decide [once and for all] what I aspire to become 

14. Get new dress(es) 

15. Get flats 

16. Code a new layout for this blog 

HAHAHA I haven't even sat for my exams yet and here I am jotting down what I want to after the exams. Getting way ahead of myself but I'm already excited for all the things I'm going to do.

2013 is a fresh new start for me. And hopefully, a time where I can start fixing the problems I've made in the past.

This wishlist which was last updated in 2010 (WHOA). Most of the things I've removed because I simply don't want them anymore, have gotten them already or find it impossible to get; and added a lot of new things. Or even because I've grown up and realized that it was childish to want things like that.

One of the few things that came true was a new laptop. I got a new Dell XPS14Z :)

Things like a Sony Ericsson W910 and Nikon Coolpix S1000pj are both too outdated.

Also, I wanted to play piano for church, and I am now so that wish was fulfilled!

I wanted more high heels in my previous wishlist. Guess what? My godmother got me the HIGHEST heels I have ever worn :D Now, all I need are flats HAHAHA (And slightly shorter heels. I don't think I'll ever stop wanting heels. I am a girl after all :P).

However, I didn't get to continue learning my violin or piano. I wanted to finish grade 8, but I stopped half way because I had no energy to practice what with coming home at 9pm almost every night. But looking back, to be honest I could've done it and I should've. Whether I pass, is another story though lol. I was so close to to the top, getting to finally taste the fruit of almost 9 years of labour, but I gave up because I didn't want to fail. :/ COWARD CARMEN.

I used to ask for SO many things XD

Losing weight, increasing my stamina, getting to drive by myself to the places I want to go and studying consistently are the 4 main goals of next year. 

And sorry for not updating my blog as often as I should because you know, people are dying to know all about what I'm doing hehe. Exams are in 9 days. I shouldn't be even writing this post. I'm in deep shit, and I'm royally screwed. Practically digging my own grave right now. Sigh.

God, please grant me the courage and strength to make my dreams come true. Thanks God, You're the man.

And if anyone human is reading this, props to you for still being somewhat interested in my ugly, decrepit, semi-abandoned blog and my boring life. PROPS TO YOU. Collect a hug from me, you deserved it :)

iPod Touch 5th Gen VS iPad Mini

My current 4th gen iPod Touch is DYING. Less than 2 hours of use and the battery is depleted to almost 0%. Can't stand it!

So, I thought of getting the new 5th gen iPod Touch... with it's new slick coloured luster, the new loop, and 5MP back camera.

IT'S CALLING MY NAME GUYS.

However, even if I love the new design and vibrant back coat, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get it scratched in no time. So if I bought a case for it, what would be the point of the back coat??! No one can see it anyways. I CAN'T SEE IT ANYWAYS. Sigh.

On October 23, I woke up to the news that Apple is releasing their new iPad Mini in November.

And that's when I knew I was going to be in a big dilemma.

I've always wanted something of the size in between an iPod Touch and an iPad. So when they announced the iPad Mini's release, it was too good to be true for me.

Everything about my 4th gen iPod Touch when I first got it was great! Except for the fact that it's front and back cameras are really shitty and trying to read on it was getting annoying because the screen was too small.

Why didn't I get the iPad then, if I didn't like the iPod Touch's smallness? Well the answer and it's explanation is pretty obvious, it's too BIG. I find it inconvenient to carry around. However, watching videos or playing games on it's 1024x768p screen would be really awesome.

So, the birth of the iPad Mini might not be significant for others, but it is for me because God has answered my prayer LOL.

The iPod Touch 5th gen and iPad Mini have relatively almost the same specs, so that makes it harder for me to choose.

One thing though. THE DAMN PRICE.

As we all know, Apple products do not come cheap. They're overpriced. And yet we still buy them lol.

The iPod Touch 32GB is would be at least RM400 cheaper than the iPad Mini 32GB.

Also, just found out Android-operated products can download torrents. How cool is that?? Sometimes, I do think of shifting over to the Android side...

DILEMMA. Any advice/thoughts for me about this?

Beyond our limitations

We all have our own limitations, which can be found in all types of forms. Speed limits, barriers, fences... But whether it is tangible or not, limitations are what stops and restricts us from doing good, or doing bad. It can go both ways.

More often than not, we build fences around ourselves to set boundaries. And sometimes, that can stagnate our progress, keeps us snug in our comfort zones. But what if we actually step out from that comfort zone, and take a leap of faith? Take a risk? Break our barriers? I don't know about you, but I do get curious about what lies over the proverbial fence. What could happen if I went over it?

And that is what HELP's Astronomer Society is doing. We're going beyond our limits. We're dreaming out loud.

Meet H.E.L.P (don't confuse this with the name of our institute!) = HELP's Elevated Landscape Photography.

Basically, we'll be sending a huge balloon carrying a payload which contains cameras and data loggers up to near space to capture breathtaking pictures of the edge of the earth. Heard of this before, huh? Well guess what, we'll probably be the first (to succeed and fully document) to do this experiment/project (whatever you want to call it) in Malaysia!

But to do that, we clearly need funds to get the equipments. Cameras, data loggers, GPS, helium gas, weather balloons... you and I both know these things don't come cheap.
If you could spare a measly RM5 to help us in our endeavour, it would mean a lot to us young astronomer enthusiasts. If you could spare more, that'd be even better!

This is a potential image of what we might get:

Not convinced? Fine.

Just by investing RM5 in us, you get:

• A 'postcard from space' (a photo of our result)
• A time lapse of the whole thing
• Invitation to the Helium Party

What is a helium party, you ask? The extra helium we get from inflating our balloon will be going back to all our investors! If you invest RM5, you get one breath of helium and the cool thing is your voice gets all chipmunk-y :D. If you invest RM10, you get 2 breaths of helium! You catch the drift...

Now WHO would pass up an opportunity like that? :P

It's a big dream. It's a costly dream. But with your help, we'll be able to fulfill it.

If interested, contact me! I'll hook you up ;)

The Zwitter family

Sorry for not updating this blog for a really long time. I've lost inspiration in blogging. And I don't think I'm as 'entertaining' as I was before anymore :P

So recently, I've been playing Sims 3 again, as I'm in this endless cycle of being addicted to the game and then hating the game because I play too much of it. The cycle has started ever since Sims 1 came out. I will forever be a Sims fan!!

I made this new family called the Zwitter household. Why I even named them Zwitter? I have no idea.

This household initially consisted of 2 girls and 1 boy. The red-haired Amy is the sister of the 'Baldie', the pretty hot guy you see in the pictures whose name I forgot. Blondie (I forgot her name too, so this is her nickname for now) is a childhood friend of Amy's and they now stay together in the same house.

After years of being in love, Baldie popped the question to Blondie and she accepted his proposal! They had a grand wedding and all went well.

Blondie works as a chef at a nearby diner. As for Baldie, because of his neat, handy and nurturing traits, I made him a stay-home dad. He helps to clean the house, and repairs the broken appliances. Together, Baldie and Blondie had a daughter whose name I also forgot. (Goes to show how much thinking I did for their names. And how absolutely horrible my memory is sigh)

While Baldie and Blondie are in marital bliss, Amy was involved in a scandal. She was dating a police vampire. But he never had time for her, and she then met Matthew Hamming, one of the biggest stars in the film industry of Twinbrook, who helms a 4 star status. They quickly fell in love and while still dating the police vampire, she was secretly meeting Matthew by inviting him over. Soon, news broke out that Amy was cheating on her boyfriend and unfortunately now has the 'cheating' reputation. But she didn't care at all, and after dating Matthew, Amy has made a name for herself in the celebrities social circle. She has the star quality trait, making her a natural actress even in her youth. She very quickly obtained a 5 star status! 

Since Blondie was working in a 5-star restaurant as a pastry chef, and Amy was a rising star (and cause I used the motherlode cheat heh), the money they earned together was enough to hire a professional interior designer Phoebe Lee, to give their small suburban home a huge makeover, into a homey mansion.

Unfortunately, after Baldie took a dip in the hot tub, I made him fix a stereo and he died of electrocution :(

Immediately after his death, I found out that Blondie was pregnant with another child of Baldie's :O The Grim Reaper takes one life, and another life forms in Blondie's womb.

Amy had a son out of wedlock with Matthew named Robin, and Blondie's newborn daughter was named Catwoman (Yes, you read it right).

Baldie and Blondie's 1st daughter grew up and became a daycare owner! She initially had 2 kids to take care of, but plus Robin and Catwoman, it was clearly too much for one person to do. So, whoever stayed home before they went to work could help out. When Catwoman grew up into a child, she contributed in the daycare by playing with the babies too. Soon, the daycare got more recognized and grew. More babies were brought in.

Catwoman (still a child) is charismatic and friendly. She does not aim to be a big shot actress, businesswoman or politician. She wants to be popular and swimming in a pool of cash. How? She plans on using her good looks to her advantage, as she wants to marry a rich person and just live in the lap of luxury. She dreams of meeting her own Batman one day (Yes, I ship BatCat). Besides that, Catwoman likes to pull pranks around the house by putting whoopie cushions on the couch and pouring water down from her treehouse.

Robin on the other hand, is sent to Smuggsworth Prep School, one of the finest and most prestigious boarding schools in Twinbrook, where rich people send their children to. Most of them then turn out to be famous doctors, businesspeople and politicians. Robin envisions himself as a businessman one day.

And that is all for now. Till next time ;)

Still indecisive

Medicine or dentistry? Currently what I'm thinking of doing at this point of my research about what I should venture in in the future. I really much prefer the content of medicine more than dentistry. I don't know whether I'd like to spend almost all of my studying life learning about out teeth and our mouths. I really am not sure. Now I'm wondering, then I'm going to have a much harder time studying medicine because there's so much more to learn. And for me, being a super apprehensive person... ALL THESE DOUBTS AND WORRIES ARE KILLING ME.

Maybe I should've just done mass comm. You know, work in a PA department, meet and socialize with people, or be a wedding planner.

I DON'T FREAKING KNOW I'm so frustrated and lost right now T_T Praying that God will help me with this decision...

At crossroads

I don't know what to do with my life. I really don't.

And I have to make a decision very soon.

Indecision. Noun, \ˌin-di-ˈsi-zhən\ A wavering between two or more possible courses of action.

I feel tired thinking and worrying about what I'm going to do in life. I know I'm not the only one. Every career has its pros and cons. And sometimes, interests and passions are put on the back burner as they are trumped by materialistic, physical factors e.g. money or academic qualifications. People tell me that I can change my job if I don't like what I'm doing. I wish I could do that. I applaud those who could and did. I really do, then I could just go into one of the courses and if I don't like it I just pack my stuff and go for the next one. They say it like it's so easy to do it.

I don't want to waste money. I don't come from a rich family, and to provide the financial means for my studies, my parents have to forego and sacrifice opportunities plus their time and effort by working extra hard. I don't want to make it any more troublesome for them than it already is. I'm blessed and thankful to have parents who are not forcing me to do things I don't want to do. Yes, they occasionally drop hints here and there, but they are allowing me to pursue my dream. I have friends whose parents aren't supportive at all of what they really desire to do in life and craft their own path for him. My parents may not be very enthusiastic, but at least they're not complaining heh. But the thing is, I don't know what my dream is.

Medicine. Dentistry. Pharmacy. Biomedical science. Those are the things that have been circling in my brain, more often that not for the past month. What do I want to do? Do I really want to look at people's teeth and mouth all day? Do I really want to stay in a lab the whole day with bacteria or the periodic table as my best friends? Honest answer: No. Answer with some more thinking and compromises: Yes. In one way or another, whatever we do in our daily lives require compromise. You can't escape it. And I'm thinking, if I compromise with myself and let go of my inhibitions, maybe I might grow to enjoy it. Scale new heights. Who knows.
I can rule out everything that is Maths-heavy because no way am I doing Maths my whole life. NO WAY. I would despise a life like that and just be digging my own grave. Besides, I'm no good in Maths. To obtain results I was okay with, I had to study like crazy. I had to do Maths every single day. I tried that, and I didn't like it at all. Maths, to me, is like kryptonite to Superman. Ha, I may be exaggerating but that's how I feel!

Most of the time, I'm not sure what I want... is what I really want, if you get what I mean. Is my heart just going with the flow as my brain is? Sometimes I think I'm on auto-pilot. I don't know. I think it's what I want. But is it? It's like there's another layer of what I'm thinking which reveals what I really really want. Mindception.

I don't see me doing any other stuff as a career in my life. I've been joining clubs and societies (that I'm interested in) and trying to get posts and do things that might add pages to my application to make them it look more appealing. I've been doing that since forever. I also do that in primary and secondary school. Trying my best. Participating in activities. Being involved. It's automatic. Sometimes I think I do it on auto-pilot, y'know.

Yes, art and music have a dear place in my heart in a way of its own. But it's not something I'd consider as a career. I hated drawing and colouring. I hated doing music theory during my piano lessons. That was a red light signal that art or music isn't something I'd like to do my whole life. As a hobby, sure... playing instruments, listening to music and making artsy fanart are my hobbies.

But with science or technology, it's different. I enjoyed learning about science. I find it fascinating. Of course it can get boring sometimes I have to admit, but they have their moments. Especially Biology omg, it's intriguing. I am amazed at how intricate and meticulous our God is when it comes to creation. How He can think of ways to make stuff like that... mind-blowing sometimes. Biology has to be my favourite subject, although it is not the subject I'm doing best in. In fact, among the 3 sciences, Biology was always my weakness. And if you know me, I love technology. I proclaim myself as a techno geek

Another thing I have to worry about is my horrible, horrible memory. God knows how I got As for my SPM when almost everyday I leave something I need at home even though I specifically told myself to get it the day before. I'm serious, I am expecting myself to end up having dementia or Alzheimer's when I grow old because it feels like I'm already having it now! How the hell am I going to do any of those jobs I just mentioned if I have horrible memory? I have to memorize tons and tons of facts and read the thickest books. If you know job zones, medicine/dentistry is one of the careers where you require the most intensive preparation/studying. I know myself. I'm not very disciplined when it comes to studying. Procrastination is a feat of mine. Well I will have to banish this feat of mine if I were to do whatever I want to do. Easier said than done though.

I understand the consequences and many disadvantages that comes with studying medicine/dentistry. I will have to dedicate all my time and give my all. Being lazy and procrastinating can no longer be an option. I've been reading people's experiences and opinions online and trust me, they're not pretty. But why do I still feel like I want to do it? I don't want to regret it and one day feel so depressed and drop out of the course because I can't take it anymore

Contrary to your opinions regarding myself and my hobby of watching TV shows and specifically Grey's Anatomy, I am not influenced by medical shows. Heck, if GA is influencing me on anything, it's how beautiful my fictional aspirational couple, Cristina and Owen's love story is and how much they have gone through and how the showrunner is giving us fans the very opposite of what we want to see and how their forever angsty relationship is falling apart and.... and how my unhealthy obsession needs to be toned down haha. Yeah obsessing over my favourite fictional couple, THAT I'm good at. If they had a job for that, I'd totally excel.

What I KNOW, is if I had the chance and the money, I would love to study overseas. No, not in Indonesia or Singapore... but in the UK or the US. US is an unrealistic dream with what I want to study I know, but UK is still available, although chances of that are extremely slim anyways. I am infected by wanderlust: a strong desire to travel. I would love to visit the Eiffel tower or the Arc de Triomph, walk around the Colosseum in Rome, inhale the fresh air of the Scottish highlands, watch a play at the West End and swim in the seas of the Carribean. Le sigh. May God help me.
Maybe I should just dig my nose and drink stuff all day on the the couch like this guy huh:
He knows what he's doing.

Holidays #1 + Adobe After Effects

Hey thereee :D

I am on my holidays right now which is almost ending, but I'm not those kind of people who despise holidays because they're so boring and they want to go back to school. Uh-uh not me. No matter how bored I am at home, I will find something to do... even if it's sleeping or just lying on my bed, staring at my ceiling. Because I prefer holidays than school. And that's technically still something to do.

The holidays are ending and I am so bummed I have to be swamped with homework and studies again. And since this is the 2nd semester, the road is going to get bumpier, challenges are getting harder, and the highs are getting higher. So much to study in so little time. Not looking forward to it.

But anyways, I'll talk about my holidays in another blog post I'll whip out later. Or tomorrow. Depending on how procrastinating I feel.

What I primarily want to share with everyone in this post is a 10second video I made in Adobe After Effects! This 10seconds video took me at least 3 hours. Non-stop. No toilet or water breaks. Crazy. But of course, I'm a total AE noob.

And my laptop only has 4GB RAM :'( Probably one of my biggest mistakes ever. Because it is impossible to RAM preview videos with video clips and photos in it. Therefore I made one with text. Text based on teens. Yeah it's random. It's suppose to be:

He sounded a similar call to young women. “As I contemplate all that you face in the world today,” he said, “One word comes to my mind. It describes an attribute needed by all of us but one which you—at this time of your life and in this world—will need particularly. That attribute is courage . . . courage to refrain from judging others . . . courage to be chaste and virtuous; and . . . courage to stand firm for truth and righteousness”

Yeah, the video didn't turn out to be the whole quote, just one sentence... HAHA I didn't realize it would take me so long okay! In the beginning of the video-making, I was quite motivated in that LET'S DO THIS mood. And then 3 hours later, I go... I NEED TO STOP FOR A WHILE. Yup.

I watched this kinetic and rhythmic typography thing last year and I was so interested in making one. So I tried Adobe After Effects, but SPM was just around the corner so I stopped practicing. Now that I'm on break and I'd like to do something productive, I tried After Effects again :)

But I'm glad I got to explore the possibilities of Adobe After Effects. You can make a lot of cool stuff with that. And I probably will! :)

I was just playing around with it, so don't mind the same words and whatever choppiness you see. Also, before you watch this, don't put your audio levels too high lol.

And maybe I'll try kinetic typography next. :)

Visit to the Planetarium!

On 31st March 2012, I celebrated Earth Hour at the National Planetarium :D

"What?! Since when did we have a national planetarium???"
That was my first response when I heard our astronomy club was planning to visit the national planetarium for Earth Hour Day :P I bet some of you also had that same response if you didn't know we had one...

But of course, our planetarium (unfortunately) isn't as fully equipped with high-end technology as the ones in other countries.

Cool side thing... my friend Nicola HAS BEAUTIFUL NAILS painted like the night sky and outer space!

The atmosphere was filled with excitement and enthusiasm by people with interests alike. Most of them were all there for one sole reason: to be amazed by Malaysia's starry night without the interference of light pollution. And to be around people who enjoy looking at God's creation in the sky too. But, we were too naive.

Anyways at 8.30pm, the planetarium turned off their lights to show their support for Earth hour. And they supplied their visitors with DIY lantern materials! But we didn't make a lantern. We took glow sticks instead.

When the lights turned off, you could hear the sounds of people ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the sight of colourful, glowing lanterns and glow sticks in the dark. I was probably one of them :)

Our surroundings were so dark, I didn't really get to see the planetarium as a whole. It had a huge dome on top and flights of stairs from the courtyard to the main entrance, but that's all I could make out in the dark.

They had telescopes set up for us visitors to look through. I saw the moon, Mars and supposedly Saturn.

But honestly, the people working there didn't even know their stuff. Liiyung saw a reddish bright dot in the sky, and told us it was Mars. She took her iPhone out and used some astronomy app to make sure. Yup, it was Mars. But the guy who handled the telescope, told it was Saturn o.O

We went for a night walk around the planetarium. The purpose of the night walk is to see KL in total darkness because all the lights were off during earth hour. Well, they were SUPPOSE to be off. Unfortunately, the night walk didn't meet its purpose (and it was really boring actually), because KL's skyline was still shining oh-so-brightly. All the buildings' and houses' lights were on. And the irony was... Tenaga Nasional Berhad's building was probably one of the buildings which shone the brightest that night LOL

And that was how naive we were, thinking that most people would turn off their lights for Earth Hour? *scoff*

So after the devastatingly boring night walk which did not live up to my expectations, we decided to go for the real thing. The Planetarium! It was like Petrosains (@ KLCC) inside. With the exhibitions and written information on the walls. They had this section with breathtaking pictures that photographers took of the sky, day and night. To be honest, astrophotography looks really interesting <3

We also went in this anti-gravity room! More like for children, but we went in anyways. Hey, you can't blame us, there was a slide :P!

Other interesting stuff:

Periodic table

Astronaut training

Nicola in her space pod

Sundial

Oops, forgot what this is. But looks interesting ;)

Taking a picture of the moon with a phone through a telescope

Here's a picture of the real moon that I took with my iPod with the aid of a telescope:

It's a beaut, eh? I couldn't believe my eyes at first :O I know, we've seen tons of pictures of the Moon on TV or the internet, but seeing it with your own eyes on a screen of your iPod, is a marvelous feeling. Not the type of feeling you can get by seeing pictures. This is the real thing!

We looked up in the sky, and saw two bright thick lines in the sky. It looked like spacecrafts! It was stationary, it didn't move and it just stayed there for a long time. We were really curious and asked around, but no one knew what it was either.

Freaky.

We didn't have much time, and we were in quite a rush, so we just passed through everything. Didn't really read through the information in detail.

In the end, the event was not even about Earth hour for me. It was mostly about how much more I knew about astronomy (which wasn't much anyways LOL) and it strengthened my interest for astronomy. :)

Okay I'm getting sleepy and trying to end this post quickly lol goodnightzz :D

Fried durian ice-cream thingy?

The snow shall stay. Because I'm too lazy to edit the HTML to take out the code -.-

Running on 3 hours of sleep last night and 5 hours on Tuesday night. Thanks to the Biology, Moral Studies and Chemistry tests. Feeling tired, but very awake at the same time :/

And CURSE my high tolerance for caffeine. Green tea, coffee, whatever with caffeine, you name it... I can drink it and still fall asleep.


Anyways, back to the title post...

I ate this wonderful delectable thingy which I don't know the name of... but I will call it fried durian ice-cream thingy. And what it is, is self-explanatory. It's a small block of durian ice-cream, bathed in thick batter and deep-fried till crispy and golden. It's like the deep fried Mars bar of Scotland. This is the deep fried durian ice-cream of Malaysia. IT TRULY IS THE SHIZZ.

You probably have seen it before, but I have not, so let me pointlessly convince you to try them :)

Let me show you some pictures so you can drool as I am now:

It's hot on the outside, cold on the inside... *cough*like some girls*cough*

Don't let its façade deceive you. One bite of this baby and you'll be begging for more.

It is a little too oily though. So remember to dab off the excess oil sticking to the fried batter :)

So, today I went for a repeat of a slice of heaven, and to my disappointment... it wasn't there.

It was like a magic thing which came out of nowhere last week and now it disappeared. :(

Yes. It was that good, I made a whole post about it.

P/S: Why can't I see fried ice-cream thingies around anymore? Craving...

Nostalgia? Pfft.

Warning: Another depressing post coming up. Don't read if you don't want to get sucked into the vortex of darkness.....



I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me but...

I hate nostalgia.

I don't even know why I picked that word for my blog. Maybe I liked how the word sounded. Noz-tal-giyea. I used to love nostalgia. Y'know... the feeling and memories of better times flooding your mind. Now that I am older (and feeling darker), I dislike nostalgia. Because I know that it won't come back. That it has passed and it has gone. Thinking back and longing for better times just makes me feel more down because I know I can't go back to those days. Reading back old posts makes me feel like I want to go back in time and relive the joyful moments where everything was alright, but obviously, I can't do that.

Some things changed for the better, but some things changed for the worst. If not, most things. I can't bring all the happy times back. But maybe.. just maybe... it'll pave the way for better things. For improvement.

Gosh, I'm so dark and twisty. My blog is so depressing, unlike previous years. Is this what becoming a young adult feels like?! Shouldn't this be happening during my early teenage years? o.O

I once gave someone advice, saying life has its ups and downs. This is the 'down' part. There will be 'up' parts. Why can't I listen to my own advice?

I pray things will get better... they must, otherwise I'll go insane.

Post SPM results

Hello blog :D (Notice I'm talking to my own blog because I don't think there are anymore readers out there :p Except my mum. [Hi mum!] Gosh I should really lock my blog.) I have not updated since I don't know when. I admit, it's because I'm lazy and I just don't have the inspiration to write. And even if I did, it would suck, so you wouldn't want to read it. I haven't been practicing my English writing due to all the Science and Math subjects I'm taking you see. Yeah I'm blaming college. Did it work? :P

Well. Hmm. The events and emotions I felt this afternoon was... Weird. Not necessarily in a bad way, just in a neutral way. I don't know how to explain this feeling, but I'll try.

I got a B for my Biology. I liked this subject amongst my other science subjects. And yet I got a B for this. But I kinda expected it because of my paper 3. I wrote the wrong experiment, totally different from what they wanted. The obvious answer was there, but I myself didn't know why I did the wrong experiment. That was probably where my B was from. I was so sad that day. Everyone was jumping around and being joyful about the fact that SPM is over... while I was moody over my Biology exam.

The suspense of getting our results was kinda cut short for us. Because we somehow checked we got 7As and above before they even announced it. It was only a matter of who got straight As. I wasn't expecting to even get 8As, but it still is kinda disappointing to miss that ONE A that could've given you straight As.

Sigh.

But hey, we kinda 'celebrated' at Leisure Mall. Ate Vietnamese food and drank Chatime. It was great. I didn't know how much I missed my high school friends till I saw them today.

There were a flurry of emotions for me today. From super nervous, being in suspense as I texted the government for my results before I even got it (which didn't work btw -.-), to somewhat relieved, to a little disappointment.

So I don't know whether to feel Happy or Sad. I'm happy I got 8As but I'm sad I missed by 1 A.

And I seriously think there is a typo error with my Add Maths in the slip (which I'm not complaining about). It was impossible. I never got an A for Add Maths in Form 5. Ever. My weakest subject is Add Maths. My most hated subject is Add Maths. I kept asking Chun Hoong and Yi Huan whether I was seeing it right LOL. Miracles do happen huh.

People keep telling me to be grateful and all, but I'm kiasu this way. I've always been. It's me. If you didn't expect me to act like this, then you don't know me well enough. I am thankful for my As. I truly am. But my gosh guys, stop forcing the notion of being grateful to me and telling me I shouldn't feel like this. I get that you're trying to make me feel better and I thank you for that. But just let me mourn for my B, okay? I was one step away. So close, yet so far. Surely, I have the right to feel this way?
I once locked myself in my room for 2 days because I also missed a B for UPSR. At least I'm not doing that today. That's an improvement.
I'm not the most optimistic and positive person. I beat myself up for a lot of things in life. I am probably the most neurotic person you know. And the most regretful person too. Also I tend to compare myself with other people a lot. The always comparing side of me had a field day today because almost everyone around me got straight As. I think it's cathartic in a way. Instead of bottling it up inside, pretending and lying to myself that I'm completely contented and satisfied.

However, I genuinely do thank God for my As :) All glory goes to Him! Wouldn't be able to do it without Him.

Haha, this morning, I prayed to God that I would be one of the people going on the stage to get their results (7As and above). I got it. Should've specified about straight As huh lol :P

Okay. At least it's over. Now, I know I have to work harder for A-levels, because that's a whole different ball game altogether. Moving on.

What's up

Well this blog is pretty dead. Mainly because I'm lazy to write up a full-length post with pictures and smileys and all that sorta stuff.

Wongfu event post will come. Hopefully. If and when the inspiration comes.

Blah.

Group B, baby

So, I was assigned to group B. And I knew no one there. No one at all. But Zhi Le introduced me to one of her Wesley Methodist friends Kelly, who was in my group B. We got along :)

In Chemistry, instead of studying, in the latter half of the class we introduced ourselves. Met some interesting people (I meant that in both positive and negative manners). A lot of them have Chinese, Indian and Singh names so it was kinda hard to remember them. But I guess I'll remember them as time passes.

The ones that stood out for me were (a) Sonea, who looks and talks almost like Abby Bengs. She's funny too. (b) Xing Qi (or something like that) who was just really weird, i can't explain it o.O (c) Sean/Shaun who's clearly the class clown xD (d) Sandra, who's like the prom queen of the class. She's pretty, she's a cheerleader, she choreographs Glee-ish dance moves and she's a part-time model. She's the kind of girl, that girls would go gay for. Or boys would turn straight for lol. Actually, the girls would go gay for half of the girls in our A-levels HA10 batch. Seriously, I think half of them come from the same school, which is somewhere in Damansara.

Some I have got to know better, and some I have not striked up a conversation with since the introduction. Which I will. Hopefully.

To clarify... I really don't think I'm sociable. I may be friendly, but I'm not really sociable. I'm shy! But when the situation forces me to make friends, I will have to. I have low self-esteem and confidence (although I have no idea what the difference is). I really do. But sometimes there's this kick in the butt at the back of my brain that tells me to just do it (like what the Chem teacher said). Just freaking do it, Carmen.

Went for Maths class today. I was super paranoid! Before that, I asked some of the girls I talked to whether they were good in Maths (separately). All of them answered that they're 'okay' with it and need a lot of practice. So I was like, phewwww they're not crazy smartass mathematicians. Then when it came to Maths class, Madam Lin told us to write our trial/forecast results on a paper with our names. The people I asked who wrote before, all wrote A for their results. And so did most of the class. I was so mad at them! 'Okay' my arse! An A is really good okay! If A was okay, a C would be 'go kill yourself you disappointment'. Well, I got a C. But then they raised the grades in my school, so I might have gotten a B, but that doesn't make things better anyways. The fact is, my Maths skills are mediocre. I just don't have that natural flair or knack for Maths. It hates me, I hate Maths. I don't even know how people can do Further Maths. So jealous of them. For those who are good in Maths, their A in Math is pretty much in their hands already. Maths is straightforward. If it's right? It's right. If it's wrong? It's wrong. Not like Accounting or... English Lit. Where almost everything has all kinds of arguments. I'm horrible in Math? No argument there.

A-levels is like 5 Science 1 all over again, as Cheah said. We're constantly being pressured to get straight As, or even better... the A* (the A star). I didn't know it existed! When Sir Sean kept mentioning A*, I chuckled because we thought he meant A+ but got it wrong. We don't have A* in our SPM. Ah, now we know where the A* comes from.

Being in A-levels, it pushes you to the limit in my opinion. If you care enough about your grades, you're not allowed to be lazy or procrastinate. It's 100% dedication and hard work all the way, from Day 1. Blood, sweat and tears man.

It's okay, I will not fret (will definitely regret saying this later on). I'm making a promise myself to study hard. At least almost everyday if I get the chance to. I MUST! I have the disadvantage here, which is I'm not very studious, or I can't really absorb what I study and make it stay in my brain so easily. My studying memory is short-term, but I also have short-term memory loss -.- (No, that doesn't mean my long-term memory is good either, it's just as bad). THOSE STRAIGHT As SHALL BE MINEEEEEE.

How do you pronounce L'OCCITANE?

I have always wondered this whenever I see the newsletter my mother receives from L'OCCITANE en provence. And now I know.

First Day of College

ETA: I have edited this post, and removed some comments/rants that I have made that are inappropriate for public viewing. Whether or not you are the person or not the person I'm referring to. They might just find their way to my blog on a whim. Or maybe you have read it I don't know. If I wanted to rant, I'd rant on my rant blog (shhhhh!). I don't even know why I posted it. I think I was too emotional/overwhelmed with the first day of college. Sooo... yeah.

Sitting in my mum's office as I write this, so everything in this post is fresh out of my brain.

Diane kinda warned me about this. Or rather, she told her mum to warn me about this. Warned me that I shouldn't feel like this. But I can't help it. The feeling's enveloping me everywhere I go, because it's everywhere. I see it everywhere.

I... find college indescribable. But I'll try to explain it. Exciting. But taunting and intimidating at the same time, as I feared. Everyone around me don't look their age. They all don't look like they just sat for their SPM. They look more like 20+ years old. And the girls are all so slim. And pretty. With make up, their expensive branded bags and clothes. But they look so smart at the same time. That's a lot of social pressure. I keep saying, don't care about them, as long as you have the brains, you'll be alright. You can prove to them how smart you are and you will get a scholarship after A-levels, while they are busy shopping, flirting and touching up their makeup. Haha, the problem is, I don't have the brains. I don't have the brawn too. I also don't have the money. And I'm not a very interesting person. Sigh.

Forgive me for my language, but a lot of them look like bitches. Like spoiled, bratty bitches who think they're everything. I hear that those who go for A-levels in HELP, are rich. Filthy rich. Except me of course :/ This is like an American high school. I'm sorry, but in Seri Mutiara, we rarely have big 'Gossip Girl' kind of drama. I haven't heard of anyone stealing their friend's boyfriends or someone cheating on their girlfriend. Except for one. But hey, that's only one. I have a feeling I'll be seeing and hearing a lot of those here lol.

Not feeling very good about this. I feel so insignificant in this huge group of people. People who go to A-levels in January, I assume, are mostly intelligent, ambitious and competitive. Because they want to finish earlier than everyone and A-levels is pretty difficult (or so I heard) so they probably can cope. I... am not intelligent. I am only mildly competitive and people can probably eat me up for breakfast. I have to be tougher, I have to be more confident, I need to build my self-esteem.

I also assume most of them are kiasu. They cannot wait for tomorrow to register their subjects. Everyone registered today, causing a big flurry of undergraduates. Everyone's pushing their sweaty bodies against each other to get to the table... luckily me, Kelly and 2 new friends: Vanessa and Jasmine, were smart to sit on the floor at the other side of the table where no one lines up. So, we got to pass up our forms earlier and effectively :)

Also, the 3 buildings are kinda confusing. And the shuttle buses that take us to the three different buildings are also quite confusing. Why couldn't they have just put them all in one central area? They're all at 3 different places -.-" Don't know where to pay my LAN fees, don't even know where registry is, don't know where to eat for lunch etc etc... So clueless.

Hopefully, when I am more familiarized with the place and the people, I'll have much more fun and feel like I fit in. I really want college life to be fun and memorable!

Now, here comes my serious rant... which I do not want people to read honestly, but I had to let it out somewhere before I scream at the next person who does this to me. You might feel offended. Because I may be referring to you. But most probably not, because the referred people don't really read my blog frequently (I think) or even know I have a blog. Or maybe, it's you. 

[RANT IS REMOVED]

Rant over.

Also, I got a new phone number. So if you want it, tell me and I'll send you my number.

Wow, that rant really killed the mood.