Post SPM results

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hello blog :D (Notice I'm talking to my own blog because I don't think there are anymore readers out there :p Except my mum. [Hi mum!] Gosh I should really lock my blog.) I have not updated since I don't know when. I admit, it's because I'm lazy and I just don't have the inspiration to write. And even if I did, it would suck, so you wouldn't want to read it. I haven't been practicing my English writing due to all the Science and Math subjects I'm taking you see. Yeah I'm blaming college. Did it work? :P

Well. Hmm. The events and emotions I felt this afternoon was... Weird. Not necessarily in a bad way, just in a neutral way. I don't know how to explain this feeling, but I'll try.

I got a B for my Biology. I liked this subject amongst my other science subjects. And yet I got a B for this. But I kinda expected it because of my paper 3. I wrote the wrong experiment, totally different from what they wanted. The obvious answer was there, but I myself didn't know why I did the wrong experiment. That was probably where my B was from. I was so sad that day. Everyone was jumping around and being joyful about the fact that SPM is over... while I was moody over my Biology exam.

The suspense of getting our results was kinda cut short for us. Because we somehow checked we got 7As and above before they even announced it. It was only a matter of who got straight As. I wasn't expecting to even get 8As, but it still is kinda disappointing to miss that ONE A that could've given you straight As.


But hey, we kinda 'celebrated' at Leisure Mall. Ate Vietnamese food and drank Chatime. It was great. I didn't know how much I missed my high school friends till I saw them today.

There were a flurry of emotions for me today. From super nervous, being in suspense as I texted the government for my results before I even got it (which didn't work btw -.-), to somewhat relieved, to a little disappointment.

So I don't know whether to feel Happy or Sad. I'm happy I got 8As but I'm sad I missed by 1 A.

And I seriously think there is a typo error with my Add Maths in the slip (which I'm not complaining about). It was impossible. I never got an A for Add Maths in Form 5. Ever. My weakest subject is Add Maths. My most hated subject is Add Maths. I kept asking Chun Hoong and Yi Huan whether I was seeing it right LOL. Miracles do happen huh.

People keep telling me to be grateful and all, but I'm kiasu this way. I've always been. It's me. If you didn't expect me to act like this, then you don't know me well enough. I am thankful for my As. I truly am. But my gosh guys, stop forcing the notion of being grateful to me and telling me I shouldn't feel like this. I get that you're trying to make me feel better and I thank you for that. But just let me mourn for my B, okay? I was one step away. So close, yet so far. Surely, I have the right to feel this way?
I once locked myself in my room for 2 days because I also missed a B for UPSR. At least I'm not doing that today. That's an improvement.
I'm not the most optimistic and positive person. I beat myself up for a lot of things in life. I am probably the most neurotic person you know. And the most regretful person too. Also I tend to compare myself with other people a lot. The always comparing side of me had a field day today because almost everyone around me got straight As. I think it's cathartic in a way. Instead of bottling it up inside, pretending and lying to myself that I'm completely contented and satisfied.

However, I genuinely do thank God for my As :) All glory goes to Him! Wouldn't be able to do it without Him.

Haha, this morning, I prayed to God that I would be one of the people going on the stage to get their results (7As and above). I got it. Should've specified about straight As huh lol :P

Okay. At least it's over. Now, I know I have to work harder for A-levels, because that's a whole different ball game altogether. Moving on.

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