First Day of College

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

ETA: I have edited this post, and removed some comments/rants that I have made that are inappropriate for public viewing. Whether or not you are the person or not the person I'm referring to. They might just find their way to my blog on a whim. Or maybe you have read it I don't know. If I wanted to rant, I'd rant on my rant blog (shhhhh!). I don't even know why I posted it. I think I was too emotional/overwhelmed with the first day of college. Sooo... yeah.

Sitting in my mum's office as I write this, so everything in this post is fresh out of my brain.

Diane kinda warned me about this. Or rather, she told her mum to warn me about this. Warned me that I shouldn't feel like this. But I can't help it. The feeling's enveloping me everywhere I go, because it's everywhere. I see it everywhere.

I... find college indescribable. But I'll try to explain it. Exciting. But taunting and intimidating at the same time, as I feared. Everyone around me don't look their age. They all don't look like they just sat for their SPM. They look more like 20+ years old. And the girls are all so slim. And pretty. With make up, their expensive branded bags and clothes. But they look so smart at the same time. That's a lot of social pressure. I keep saying, don't care about them, as long as you have the brains, you'll be alright. You can prove to them how smart you are and you will get a scholarship after A-levels, while they are busy shopping, flirting and touching up their makeup. Haha, the problem is, I don't have the brains. I don't have the brawn too. I also don't have the money. And I'm not a very interesting person. Sigh.

Forgive me for my language, but a lot of them look like bitches. Like spoiled, bratty bitches who think they're everything. I hear that those who go for A-levels in HELP, are rich. Filthy rich. Except me of course :/ This is like an American high school. I'm sorry, but in Seri Mutiara, we rarely have big 'Gossip Girl' kind of drama. I haven't heard of anyone stealing their friend's boyfriends or someone cheating on their girlfriend. Except for one. But hey, that's only one. I have a feeling I'll be seeing and hearing a lot of those here lol.

Not feeling very good about this. I feel so insignificant in this huge group of people. People who go to A-levels in January, I assume, are mostly intelligent, ambitious and competitive. Because they want to finish earlier than everyone and A-levels is pretty difficult (or so I heard) so they probably can cope. I... am not intelligent. I am only mildly competitive and people can probably eat me up for breakfast. I have to be tougher, I have to be more confident, I need to build my self-esteem.

I also assume most of them are kiasu. They cannot wait for tomorrow to register their subjects. Everyone registered today, causing a big flurry of undergraduates. Everyone's pushing their sweaty bodies against each other to get to the table... luckily me, Kelly and 2 new friends: Vanessa and Jasmine, were smart to sit on the floor at the other side of the table where no one lines up. So, we got to pass up our forms earlier and effectively :)

Also, the 3 buildings are kinda confusing. And the shuttle buses that take us to the three different buildings are also quite confusing. Why couldn't they have just put them all in one central area? They're all at 3 different places -.-" Don't know where to pay my LAN fees, don't even know where registry is, don't know where to eat for lunch etc etc... So clueless.

Hopefully, when I am more familiarized with the place and the people, I'll have much more fun and feel like I fit in. I really want college life to be fun and memorable!

Now, here comes my serious rant... which I do not want people to read honestly, but I had to let it out somewhere before I scream at the next person who does this to me. You might feel offended. Because I may be referring to you. But most probably not, because the referred people don't really read my blog frequently (I think) or even know I have a blog. Or maybe, it's you.


Rant over.

Also, I got a new phone number. So if you want it, tell me and I'll send you my number.

Wow, that rant really killed the mood.

1 comment :

  1. Naww, chin up Carmen! :)

    It's just part and parcel of adjusting to a new school.
    I felt the same way when I moved to Italy.

    And could you stop putting yourself down! Sheesh x)
    You ARE intelligent, so there XD



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