2018, thank u next

As I bid my farewell to 2018 yesterday, I had a lot to think about life. About the meaning and purpose of it, the whole shebang of the will to live and also the will to die, as morbid as that may seem.

It's no secret that I'm someone who just isn't 

But a few horrible things I've learnt about myself in the past year:

1. I self-sabotage

2. I distract myself by keeping busy to escape from my dark thoughts

3. I easily give in

4. I'm always tired

And a few great things I've learnt as well:

1. I don't hate exercising (granted, I have to find exercises I like to do)

2. Making lists help with organizing my cluttered mind

2. ....I can't think of anything else tbh.

And that's the problem isn't it? We always focus on the bad things about ourselves. We never think of what we're grateful for, what we've been doing well on and how far we've come. 

Thank u, next is not only an ode to past boyfriends, it's about taking something bad that's happened, recognizing the impact it's had on you, letting go and then moving on to the better things. While it's never as easy as it sounds, we all have to start somewhere.

So, 2019 I wish to move on - move on from things that I've been clutching on to since years ago, move on from my current setbacks, and move on from worries about the future. I want to be free from all this clutter, mess and burdens weighing me down.

So, here are some of the many things I specifically want to work on in the new year:

1. I'd like to set a fitness goal and try to hit it

2. I want to take better care of my mental health

3. I want to de-clutter

4. I want to save money

Here is to 2019!