Group B, baby

So, I was assigned to group B. And I knew no one there. No one at all. But Zhi Le introduced me to one of her Wesley Methodist friends Kelly, who was in my group B. We got along :)

In Chemistry, instead of studying, in the latter half of the class we introduced ourselves. Met some interesting people (I meant that in both positive and negative manners). A lot of them have Chinese, Indian and Singh names so it was kinda hard to remember them. But I guess I'll remember them as time passes.

The ones that stood out for me were (a) Sonea, who looks and talks almost like Abby Bengs. She's funny too. (b) Xing Qi (or something like that) who was just really weird, i can't explain it o.O (c) Sean/Shaun who's clearly the class clown xD (d) Sandra, who's like the prom queen of the class. She's pretty, she's a cheerleader, she choreographs Glee-ish dance moves and she's a part-time model. She's the kind of girl, that girls would go gay for. Or boys would turn straight for lol. Actually, the girls would go gay for half of the girls in our A-levels HA10 batch. Seriously, I think half of them come from the same school, which is somewhere in Damansara.

Some I have got to know better, and some I have not striked up a conversation with since the introduction. Which I will. Hopefully.

To clarify... I really don't think I'm sociable. I may be friendly, but I'm not really sociable. I'm shy! But when the situation forces me to make friends, I will have to. I have low self-esteem and confidence (although I have no idea what the difference is). I really do. But sometimes there's this kick in the butt at the back of my brain that tells me to just do it (like what the Chem teacher said). Just freaking do it, Carmen.

Went for Maths class today. I was super paranoid! Before that, I asked some of the girls I talked to whether they were good in Maths (separately). All of them answered that they're 'okay' with it and need a lot of practice. So I was like, phewwww they're not crazy smartass mathematicians. Then when it came to Maths class, Madam Lin told us to write our trial/forecast results on a paper with our names. The people I asked who wrote before, all wrote A for their results. And so did most of the class. I was so mad at them! 'Okay' my arse! An A is really good okay! If A was okay, a C would be 'go kill yourself you disappointment'. Well, I got a C. But then they raised the grades in my school, so I might have gotten a B, but that doesn't make things better anyways. The fact is, my Maths skills are mediocre. I just don't have that natural flair or knack for Maths. It hates me, I hate Maths. I don't even know how people can do Further Maths. So jealous of them. For those who are good in Maths, their A in Math is pretty much in their hands already. Maths is straightforward. If it's right? It's right. If it's wrong? It's wrong. Not like Accounting or... English Lit. Where almost everything has all kinds of arguments. I'm horrible in Math? No argument there.

A-levels is like 5 Science 1 all over again, as Cheah said. We're constantly being pressured to get straight As, or even better... the A* (the A star). I didn't know it existed! When Sir Sean kept mentioning A*, I chuckled because we thought he meant A+ but got it wrong. We don't have A* in our SPM. Ah, now we know where the A* comes from.

Being in A-levels, it pushes you to the limit in my opinion. If you care enough about your grades, you're not allowed to be lazy or procrastinate. It's 100% dedication and hard work all the way, from Day 1. Blood, sweat and tears man.

It's okay, I will not fret (will definitely regret saying this later on). I'm making a promise myself to study hard. At least almost everyday if I get the chance to. I MUST! I have the disadvantage here, which is I'm not very studious, or I can't really absorb what I study and make it stay in my brain so easily. My studying memory is short-term, but I also have short-term memory loss -.- (No, that doesn't mean my long-term memory is good either, it's just as bad). THOSE STRAIGHT As SHALL BE MINEEEEEE.

How do you pronounce L'OCCITANE?

I have always wondered this whenever I see the newsletter my mother receives from L'OCCITANE en provence. And now I know.

First Day of College

ETA: I have edited this post, and removed some comments/rants that I have made that are inappropriate for public viewing. Whether or not you are the person or not the person I'm referring to. They might just find their way to my blog on a whim. Or maybe you have read it I don't know. If I wanted to rant, I'd rant on my rant blog (shhhhh!). I don't even know why I posted it. I think I was too emotional/overwhelmed with the first day of college. Sooo... yeah.

Sitting in my mum's office as I write this, so everything in this post is fresh out of my brain.

Diane kinda warned me about this. Or rather, she told her mum to warn me about this. Warned me that I shouldn't feel like this. But I can't help it. The feeling's enveloping me everywhere I go, because it's everywhere. I see it everywhere.

I... find college indescribable. But I'll try to explain it. Exciting. But taunting and intimidating at the same time, as I feared. Everyone around me don't look their age. They all don't look like they just sat for their SPM. They look more like 20+ years old. And the girls are all so slim. And pretty. With make up, their expensive branded bags and clothes. But they look so smart at the same time. That's a lot of social pressure. I keep saying, don't care about them, as long as you have the brains, you'll be alright. You can prove to them how smart you are and you will get a scholarship after A-levels, while they are busy shopping, flirting and touching up their makeup. Haha, the problem is, I don't have the brains. I don't have the brawn too. I also don't have the money. And I'm not a very interesting person. Sigh.

Forgive me for my language, but a lot of them look like bitches. Like spoiled, bratty bitches who think they're everything. I hear that those who go for A-levels in HELP, are rich. Filthy rich. Except me of course :/ This is like an American high school. I'm sorry, but in Seri Mutiara, we rarely have big 'Gossip Girl' kind of drama. I haven't heard of anyone stealing their friend's boyfriends or someone cheating on their girlfriend. Except for one. But hey, that's only one. I have a feeling I'll be seeing and hearing a lot of those here lol.

Not feeling very good about this. I feel so insignificant in this huge group of people. People who go to A-levels in January, I assume, are mostly intelligent, ambitious and competitive. Because they want to finish earlier than everyone and A-levels is pretty difficult (or so I heard) so they probably can cope. I... am not intelligent. I am only mildly competitive and people can probably eat me up for breakfast. I have to be tougher, I have to be more confident, I need to build my self-esteem.

I also assume most of them are kiasu. They cannot wait for tomorrow to register their subjects. Everyone registered today, causing a big flurry of undergraduates. Everyone's pushing their sweaty bodies against each other to get to the table... luckily me, Kelly and 2 new friends: Vanessa and Jasmine, were smart to sit on the floor at the other side of the table where no one lines up. So, we got to pass up our forms earlier and effectively :)

Also, the 3 buildings are kinda confusing. And the shuttle buses that take us to the three different buildings are also quite confusing. Why couldn't they have just put them all in one central area? They're all at 3 different places -.-" Don't know where to pay my LAN fees, don't even know where registry is, don't know where to eat for lunch etc etc... So clueless.

Hopefully, when I am more familiarized with the place and the people, I'll have much more fun and feel like I fit in. I really want college life to be fun and memorable!

Now, here comes my serious rant... which I do not want people to read honestly, but I had to let it out somewhere before I scream at the next person who does this to me. You might feel offended. Because I may be referring to you. But most probably not, because the referred people don't really read my blog frequently (I think) or even know I have a blog. Or maybe, it's you. 

[RANT IS REMOVED]

Rant over.

Also, I got a new phone number. So if you want it, tell me and I'll send you my number.

Wow, that rant really killed the mood.