Fire noodle challenge

I first heard of this challenge on Bubzbeauty's video where she and her husband (Tim) tried it, and Bubz didn't even break a sweat! Amazing. So I got all over-confident and thought nah can't be THAT spicy because I can take spicy. I love spicy!

But on a scale of 1 to 10, this was probably an 8 for me. The noodles was actually pretty delicious, cooked al dente with a good flavour, but it was too spicy for me to slowly savour it. If you want to take on the challenge, you can get it at the Korean mart in Ampang. Never thought I'd find it there!

I suggest you get a cup of milk ready on standby. I underestimated how spicy it was going to be and had no emergency drink ready. I don't remember if I pooped fire, but be ready for that too.

AvocaNO #2 - Avocado toast (kimchi and grilled cheese)

With a little experimentation, curiosity and craziness, I found out that avocados go well with something I really love: KIMCHI - the love of my life (among many others). If you know me well, you know I love Korean food and that includes the glorious fermented cabbage, kimchi. Good kimchi gives you a kick in the tastebuds, a real party in your mouth. It's got sour, spicy and crunchy all there at the same time. And as I said earlier, I don't particularly love avocados. But I'm willing to try almost anything to make the eating smoother and less gross.

I like to pair kimchi with everything I can. Rice, noodles, yam cake... you name it. So naturally I tried to pair kimchi with my smashed avocados on toast instead of adding salt and pepper (I don't even like pepper so that's a bust). You must be thinking, how can this possibly taste good. Surprisingly it did and it worked out so well! Kimchi has a very strong and distinct taste, while in my opinion avocado has a more subtle flavour. So instead of the usual salt and pepper, I used kimchi to enhance the overall taste. The kimchi did not take away the quiet taste of the avocado and is basically a substitute for the minimum salt and pepper.

Avocado Kimchi Toast
Bread
1 Avocado
A lot of kimchi
That's it
This doesn't even require a written recipe

Avocado grilled cheese sandwich
1/2 avocado (if you love avocado, go all out and use 1 if you want to)
A lot of cheese (I used shredded mozzarella from the packet)
2 slices of bread
Butter

My second avocado toast is pretty common - avocado grilled cheese sandwich. Unfortunately, I put too little cheese and 1 avocado was actually quite a lot for a sandwich so I didn't like it that much. I was hoping for the melted cheese to envelope the whole sandwich but clearly I didn't put enough!

Ingredients: cheese, bread, avocado, butter

Sandwich the cheese and smashed avocado together

Place the sandwich (buttered side down)

When golden brown, flip your sandwich to other buttered side.
Tip: Use a plate or something with a bit of weight, and place it on your sandwich to ensure the heat fully grills the whole sandwich.

And there ya have it.

Tip to self: ADD MORE CHEESE next time.

AvocaNO (for people who don't like avocados) #1 - Tuna avocado pasta

Personally, I don't really like avocados. THERE I SAID IT. Avocado-lovers come at me. There's very little taste, the texture is like butter and I don't like the texture of it in my mouth. I'm fine with guacamole when it's mixed up with all kinds of different things that it tastes more than just avocado. And except when there was one time I ate sliced avocado with toast in Australia which was actually tolerable. The texture wasn't as gross as when I make it. BUT, having said that I do know how beneficial and nutritious it is for my health. Those healthy fats are good for me. So I have been trying to make myself love avocados by eating more of them.

My second struggle with avocados is real, and I'm sure it is relatable to everyone: Picking a good, ripe avocado. I usually pick the ones that are going to be ripe in a few days because I gotta plan my avocado recipe out. It's always hit and miss (more misses than hits) when I open the avocados, only to find the flesh still hard, rotten/too soft or just not at the right condition to be eaten.

Thirdly, avocado is so expensive. 1 avocado here costs an average of RM6! It's not something I can purchase and make very often, so when I do I gotta make sure it's yummy and not wasted.

I know there are recipes like this out there, but my thought process went something like this. I had some cans of tuna at home, untouched and asking to be used. People usually mix tuna with mayonnaise and I don't like mayonnaise (at this point, I know I may sound like a picky person when it comes with my food but I'm not!) mainly because of the taste, texture and how fattening it is. I try my best to substitute it with a healthier alternative, greek yoghurt (which also isn't cheap).

So I bought 3 avocados for a cheaper price because they were starting to ripen and the supermarket was trying to clear off their stock. I used the first avocado to make avocado kimchi toast which will be the next post in my avocano post series.

I just used the second avocado to make tuna avocado pasta. Something which I will definitely make again in the future. It's an even healther alternative to greek yoghurt and mayonnaise! It provides the smooth texture and acts as a glue for all my ingredients. There are other avocado pasta recipes out there but this is my own improvised recipe. The recipe is based on my taste, preference and portion. I put some salt, and if it's not enough I add a bit more in until it tastes right.

Tuna avocado pasta
Ingredients (serves 2 people):
10 Roma tomatoes halved
3/4 stalk of celery diced into tiny cubes
A pinch of pepper
1 t/b salt
1 t/b sugar
2/3 t/b lemon juice
2 tsp oregano
2 t/b Greek yoghurt
1 tsp dijon mustard (I wasn't even sure if mine was expired lol)
1 avocado, mashed
1 can of tuna (I used the Ayam brand one soaked in extra virgin olive oil, I don't think it matters)
2 servings of pasta (I used farfalle, type of pasta probably doesn't matter either)

There's no rocket science involved here. Just cook your pasta in salted water till al dente, mix all the other ingredients together. As simple as that. I love this recipe because I don't mind eating avocados like this. Even though my recipe is as good as it is, I think it can be further enhanced but I haven't found out how right now. Maybe a bit more lemon juice or onions? It just needs a bit more kick (by not adding mustard or pepper because I don't like both). If you have any ideas, do tell me!

#carmeneatsclean

A moment of self reflection

(ETA: I did not realize I posted this already because I thought it wasn't ready to be posted LOL. Maybe it was on queue o.O)

I am way too nice for my own good. I say 'yes' to things I don't really want to say it to, I give bits of myself to others but at the end of the day I'm left with nothing, and I put the needs of others above my own until I become so emotionally exhausted.

Very honestly, I'm getting sick of it. I think this ultimately stems from my desire to please everyone and make them like me. Like Monica Geller (from Friends) said, "I have this uncontrollable need to please people". Even if I wanted to dislike someone, I'm still too nice to them!

"Once you start wearing a mask, it is almost impossible to take it off." - Jaz Marie 

The worst thing is, I can't help it. It's not like I could switch it off with a tangible click. It's embedded in my personality, it's stamped into my DNA. I tried to give up the whole shtick of not revealing my true emotions and opinions about certain things, and that backfired because my second line of defense kicked in. My own brain didn't want me to change, maybe because I've been stuck in this position for the last 20 years and I couldn't bring myself to undo what I've established as a routine behaviour of mine.

I need to learn how to say no. I want to learn how to reject what I don't need in my life, without having the guilt and impact of my actions bothering me. To voice out what I really think instead of agreeing to what I don't necessarily agree with. I need to be more aware of what's going on instead of letting it be a constant blur, and not allowing others to walk all over me because they don't take me seriously. I am not a convenient rug people can trample on.

Of course, that doesn't mean I'll be rude, obnoxious and selfish. I can never stand those type of people. It just means that I realize I deserve to choose what I will give a big resounding NO to. To things that I care too much about that suck the life out of me.

6 years ago, if someone didn't like me, I would (over)think about it all the time and go all out of my way to find out why. I would correct the situation by giving in to the other person. It made me feel insecure and bad about myself. I realize now that in most of those times, there was nothing to be corrected. I shouldn't feel sorry for being myself. I'm a little proud of how I advanced from that mentality. I felt a little of that transformation when I entered university. If it was something that I did wrong, then of course I'll take responsibility for it. But if someone doesn't like me for my opinions or for who I am... well then I no longer have the energy or time to give a damn anymore. This is how you know you're getting old lol.

I'm just very tired of putting up a facade for people. That facade has become a permanent mask. I can't even tear it down even if I wanted to, or maybe more accurately I don't know how to. As a result people think I'm this chirpy, happy-go-lucky person. I'm darker than most people think. But from now on, I will try my best to not let what people's thinking or judgment of me dictate my actions or opinions. It's time to be a little selfish. It's time to stand up for myself.

My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am. ― Anaïs Nin