This is a rant post.
Don't read this, your eyes will burn.I just needed a place to rant.
But if you plan to read and risk wasting your time.... please excuse my 'colourful' language. Being angry makes me like this.
And everything's kinda scattered and all over the place.
This anger is fresh off the oven. Just an hour ago. Only an hour ago, and I'm freakin pissed and extremely disturbed by this problem. This is who I am. Someone pisses me off, I piss that person off, we become enemies, and I get obsessed with the dilemma. I don't like having enemies. They give me a very hard time.
You incompetent selfish girl. I have tried to stand you for a very very long time, and guess what... I have run out of patience. I have run out of chances. This is the last straw. Aside from someone else, you are the most whiny person in the PB. I cannot believe I have tahan-ed you since primary school and not blow up once.
Seriously. I didn't treat you good? I treated you like I would have treated anyone else in the PB. So what the hell are you talking about? I don't hold any grudges against you (until now). I don't hate you. So why would I treat you differently?
Yes, it was her fault too. Why did she have to tell you what I told her? It was meant to be a negative professional comment which I expected her to handle professionally. But, it looks like she didn't. When I mentioned something to her about you, I did expect it to be kept private. And she obviously didn't. See what it lead to. Did I have to add, "Oh yeah, don't tell her that."? It was absolutely unnecessary. She did not fully comprehend the motive of me telling her about you. That was her mistake, and the source of this problem.
You and your lame excuses. I ask you to do something, and you give me your typical classic black face, and tell me why you have to do it. Errr, hello, if you don't want to do it, then don't become a prefect. You don't like your duties, well I don't like your picky attitude. I set the duties, and you do them. It's a cycle, a rotation. Everyone gets different duties everytime. They may be good, they may be bad. If you have a problem with it, then just leave the PB! That's how it is, and I don't see anyone complaining as much as you about it. Even if they do complain, their complaints make sense and can be justified. I'll change your duty, if your reason is valid enough. But yours? Bleh.
And everytime I give you something to do, you don't like it. I don't care, because everyone goes through the same thing. And even if that person is given major and better duties, it's because he/she is competent enough and is doing a good job. Yes, not like you.
Also, I ask you why you didn't attend meetings. You tell me shitty excuses and think I'm going to let you get away with it. I DIDN'T let you get away with it because it's my responsibility. And then you get all pissy. Your excuse: going for English Club to help the teacher out. You are now in KPJ. I wanted really badly to be in the English club too but too bad, we're prefects, we're in KPJ, so deal with it. Don't sneak away and help some other club. You wanna help them? Fine, just don't help them during OUR meetings. If you're so submissive and helpful to them, then why not just letak jawatan, become a normal student, and join the English club? LET IT GO. It was hard, but I let it go too.
You were walking around and you were free, so I told you to jaga that class because there was no prefect in the class. You didn't want to, you gave me your lame excuses again and told me I didn't treat you good. WTH?! So I did what I had to do. I told her about you. What, you think you're an exception? The one who ronda and doesn't need to jaga? Sorry, but you're not competent enough to do that. You couldn't even take care of a class I asked you to and refused to, what makes you think you can ronda? Okay fine, you don't want do it? No problem, I'll report you. And that's what I did. If I let you off the hook this time, there will be plenty more of this kind of stuff in the future. I don't want that to happen, cause I can't take your crap anymore.
40 minutes later, I walk past you and I see THE FACE again. But this time, THE FACE is extremely clear, as if you wanted me to see it.t Yup, that's when I knew she told you about what I said to her. Pretty obvious, judging by your face.
I am sure that I will see your black face tomorrow. And tomorrow, I will confront you and ask why the pissy face? And you're probably going to try to ignore me or deny it... but I'm not. Someone needs to open your eyes, and make you see that you're making everyone's lives a living hell. Haha, but I may be saying this because I'm too pissed off right now.
Oh, another thing about something else. Don't judge a book by it's cover. It was only a 10 second video, people. You wanna judge? Wait till you watch the whole thing, and then you judge. And behind everything, there is a reason. Listen to the reason, AND THEN judge.
Today is a very crappy day. At first, it turned out okay, but anger and disappointment which stems from all kinds of crap just tops on, layer after layer. There's just too much crap today.
But as a happy-go-lucky girl, I won't feel as down as I am now later. Just need to vent, rant, release and express all this out. Pretty sure I'll be laughing again later. But there will always be this twinge, this thing that pulls me back from being carefree and happy. AND THAT IS BECAUSE OF YOU. Yes, I know, it looks like I'm exaggerating... but this is genuinely what happens to me. I become overly concerned of unnecessary things and it plays with my conscience. It messes my thinking and I build a wall, a façade that hides all these tension and anger well when I interact with people.
God, please give me strength and guidance on how to solve this problem of mine.
